Monday, March 7, 2016

First impressions

Because of the wonderful example and teaching by my parents, I have acquired the very good habit of smiling at everyone I see, whether I know them or not. I especially do this with cashiers, for (because my mom was one) I know how little money they get paid, and how tiresome that job can be. I most especially do it when they look sad or tired.
However, about 5 weeks ago, there was this one cashier at Safeway. She wasn't all too pretty, and she seemed really tired. So I smiled at her. Though she saw me, she didn't smile back. This surprised me a bit. Usually they smile back.
So what did I do? Smile again and make small talk? No, I put my head down, ignored her as much as possible, and finished checking out. I regretted this as soon as I walked out of the store. I hadn't even said "thank you". I wanted to turn around and apologize for my rudeness, but I didn't. I just kept on walking.

After about a week, I thought back on this situation:
"Why did it matter whether or not the person smiled back at me?
Why am I trying to be polite? To get politeness back?
No! That is no reason!
I shouldn't be trying to cheer someone up, only for myself!"
So, I came to the resolution that I would be more than polite with her the next time I met her.
Just last Friday, I went to her register(unknowingly) and I stuck with my resolution. I saw the way she treated the customers and other workers, and I was even more so repulsed by how I had first treated her.
This time, I left overjoyed with how well it went.
With that all settled, I figured I wouldn't see her again, as I usually don't with all cashiers.
So, because we had to pick my brother up from a retreat today, and we won't be headed back to Rapid City for another 4 weeks: I had to shop at Safeway again.
I shopped for the usual, vegetables and what not. Since I just didn't feel like looking for the most empty cash register, I just turned into the nearest one. And to my surprise, who was the cashier? The same lady whom I had ignored the first time I met her, and tried to repair things the time after! I didn't think she would remember me, but no matter what, I was going to treat her as a dear friend.
I was truly shocked with what happened there after. She remembered me!
 She exclaimed: " Hey! There you are! Back in the same register!"
I responded with joy that did not come from me: "Yes! I have!"
I couldn't believe it. Such simple events were just so blessed. I now know that God did some sort of work here. I do not know why, but I do know that it is all according to His Will! I still do not know if I will see her again, but if I do: I will not treat her with contempt, but rather, I will share the Joy the God has given me.
I do not know if anything will come of this. But I learned a lot from it all. Something that might seem like no big deal, ends up being one of the greatest blessings that God can grant.


God bless you all and keep me in your prayers!

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Crime and Punishment

When I started the blog, I intended to write at least once a week. Clearly I have not done that. However, I do have a good excuse. I have been reading five different books for Lent, and I intend to write sort of a review on each of them. One of them being a novel called Crime and Punishment, by Fyodor Dostoevsky.
I came upon this book by way of my parish priest. He suggested it in an RCIA meeting that my brother attended. (my brother is a cradle Catholic, but he and I go to the meetings now and then anyway) Anyway, he suggested it as something to do for Lent. Since it was only $0.99 on kindle, I bought it.

Crime and Punishment, as I said, is written by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

 Fyodor Dostoevsky was not a popular writer, however, he has written several books.
Fyodor Dostoevsky was born 1821 in Moscow, Russia. His own experiences form the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, he was literally ready to be shot by the shooting squad, when alas, his sentence was changed to penal servitude. While he was in prison he was impressed by one murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual pride beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also caused Dostoevsky to believe in an idea of salvation through suffering.
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
In my opinion, Fyodor writes very well. He doesn't write too much detail, causing the book to be boring. Yet, at the same time, it is challenging and detailed enough. He spends a good deal of this book introducing, not only the characters, but also the story line.I would consider it kinda a hard read, but once you get a hang of Dostoevsky's style, it becomes easier. He dwells much in several of the characters' thoughts, which is very crucial for the entire book. Because I got this book as a suggestion, without having a clue as to what it was about, it was very suspenseful for me. I had guessed that there was going to be a crime, because of the title, but until the crime was committed, I had no clue as to what it was going to be. It would have been better if I knew.

The book is about a man, driven by pride and poverty, to commit murder. Dostoevsky shows how pride is the root of all sin. And, due to self-pity of the character's poverty, his novelty of being great and better than other people, and his flawed view of mankind: he is driven to murder. The murderer's greatest hurt to him, is himself, by his actions. He causes himself great illness both physically and mentally. Dostoevsky leads you to see what chaos one man's sin can cause. He refers often to Christianity, and places a couple situations where you just wish the murderer would at least confess to a priest.
When reading this book, you will understand the torments of sin more acutely, learn how to understand your own thoughts better, and learn a few old English words that perhaps you didn't know, at least this was the case for me. Though you may become repulsed by the actions and viewpoints of the murderer, and a few other characters, you will also come to pity him. Wishing that he would repent, so to save his soul from damnation. I think that after reading this book, you will never look at a criminal in the same way. You will understand that one must suffer his crimes and sins, but also we must be merciful to them, and visit the imprisoned. Perhaps not literally visit them, but most certainly have a healthy pity for them. You will see the beauty of love; love for God and people, and how that gives hope in the most horrid situations.
When half-way through this book, there is no need for imagining what the rest book will be, for the "options" are so vast. The book ends with justice in all ways, and hope in all aspects.
That being said, I highly recommend this book to all. You can find it at a good price here: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=

Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=
Dostoevsky's own harrowing experiences mark the novel. He had himself undergone interrogation and trial, and was condemned to death, a sentence commuted at the last moment to penal servitude. In prison he was particularly impressed by one hardened murderer who seemed to have attained a spiritual equilibrium beyond good and evil: yet witnessing the misery of other convicts also engendered in Dostoevsky a belief in the Christian idea of salvation through suffering. - See more at: http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/crime-and-punishment-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky/250540/?gclid=CjwKEAiAxfu1BRDF2cfnoPyB9jESJADF-MdJtPkc0qN8yNC0lmbIGVxn8S10J5y3MjJNve4Cqb6N5xoCE8nw_wcB#isbn=0140445285&pcrid=70112866752&pkw=&pmt=&plc=


Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Thou Will Be There

How my life will end up, I do not know.
I have no clue how many lemons should come my way.
I never know, how things will go.
But I know You are here to stay.
In sorrow and in woe.
You will be here.
You will be there.

If all depart from my side.
If all should pass away.
If I am left with nowhere to hide.
One thing to myself I must say.
You will be here.
You will be there.

When all should turn their back on me.
When life seems to be worth naught.
When trials and fears are overshadowing.
I must remember, who I once sought.
You will be here.
You will be there.

The things in life that make me happy.
Will quickly go away.
A day will come when nothing will comfort me.
But Your love is here to stay.
For, You will be here.
You will be there.

My trust should always be in You.
For if it be in myself, I will surely fall.
My life should be given just to You,
and to the world, not at all.
O Lord,You will be here.
You will be there.

You are always there to rescue.
You are always here to stay.
Your love for me is so true.
And it shall never, never go away.




Friday, January 29, 2016

How the Violin Saved Me

Learning violin, without a teacher, has been one of the greatest things for me. It is not that I wouldn't want a teacher, for if I did have one, I would actually be good at playing, rather it is that it was the only thing that I did which didn't cause me to greatly seek the praise of men.
^ That's not me by the way. ^
I received my violin during a bluegrass hoedown. The person whom I received it from would give violins away for free to kids interested in playing. Sadly, I left it sit in the closet for about a year, not playing it until I was 13. So, I tried learning it by playing Ode to Joy, which is silly, because you always start with the scales.
Then due to moving and various crazes like that, it left my interest.



But something inside of me still wanted me to learn.



 Keep in mind. I didn't pray much (except around the time when I got Confirmed)  just grace before meals, the occasional Hail Mary or Our Father. Never the Rosary, and I wouldn't even dare spend an hour at Adoration. I believed in the Eucharist being truly Jesus, but I didn't care to watch Him for an hour. Nor silently wait for Him to speak to me for even a moment.

However, after six months of playing violin, I got pretty good at it.
Around the same time, though, I was becoming lost from the path to Heaven. And, without even considering prayer, I was beaten and weak. Even if I was sorry for whatever the things I had done, I wouldn't say it to God. I hated it that my father wanted start praying the Divine Office, instead of watching TV! Such and beyond such was my wickedness.
Yet, for that one hour every evening, all alone, I directed my practicing to God. (Why, I don't know, it was God's doing) Every song (most especially one though) was filled with repentance and love for God. It was not my doing, but God's, that I played my violin for Him. It was the only time that I forgot my worldliness, and thought only of God. It was the only time that I was truly sorry and repulsed by myself! It, as a prayer, was my pillar through my sins. Turning me to eventually, fully turn to God.

With that said, I truly believe I am where I am now, because of prayer through music, through my violin. Sometimes, still today, the only way I can focus on God, is by playing my violin. Even if I never got really good at it, I wish to always give it to Jesus.

I know that this post is short, but I felt it necessary to post! Thank you for spending the time to read, and God bless!

"Now thank we all our God, with heart, and hands, and voices.
Who wondrous things hath done, in whom His world rejoices.
Who from our mother's arms, hath blessed us on our way.
With countless gifts of love, and still is ours today!"




Monday, January 25, 2016

Prayer/poem for Adoration

 O joy, anger and sorrow. 
These emotions come and go. 
But if I be with Thee, Thy peace shall remain.
 Though all should look at me with disdain, Thy peace shall remain.
 Yet nothing compares to the peace that is there. 
And nothing can explain, the God-Head hidden, beneath a veil of bread and wine.
 All grand and full of love, yet so sublime. 
This love I cannot grasp. 
So hidden, yet so real.
 As I look upon Thy Monstrance, and Thee, under Thy mask.
 No matter what emotions I may feel. 
I know that This is real. 
That Thou art present here. 
Of Thee I will always fear. 
Thy Church's teachings confirm this fact. 
And from it, I pray, I shall not turn my back. 
Oh Lord, banish from me, disdain of Thee.
 Open my eyes, so I may always see. 
Thy Body, in this Monstrance.
 What joy it would be, for me, to forever have the chance To gaze on Thee, in Thy Monstrance. 
Oh Lord, I fall on my knees, when I see Thee.
 Spouse of my soul, my God and my All! 
Yes, when I see Thy Body, upon my knees I must fall. 
For I know, yes I know. 
Thou art here, till the end of time, Thou will be.
 Thy Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity! 
No other churches know this Lord.
 But in Thy one true Church, It is all adored.
 Compassion I beg of Thee, for on them I must have pity. 
 For they know not, that they have abhorred. 
The closest relationship in the world. 
With Thee, my God, and my Lord. 
Yes, Thou art here my God. Till the end of time Thou shall be. 
Thy Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. 
Call me nigh, to Thee Most High. 
In Thy Monstrance Lord, all hailed and adored. 
What Gift Thou hast given me! 
Thee I shall praise, forevermore, upon my bended knee!

 Amen!